he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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