I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
