you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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