You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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