wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
