You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
