He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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