hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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