dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
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Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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