There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
