Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
