If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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