Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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