Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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