so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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