i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
