Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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