Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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