I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
