I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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