Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
