he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
