he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
