Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
