god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
