dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
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Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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