Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
