hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
