Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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