dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
