I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
