Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
