If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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