I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
