rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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