I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
