Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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