They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
