apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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