where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
