I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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