That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
