i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
