The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
