Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
