i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
