So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
