Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
