Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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