3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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