in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
