I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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