That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
two words: eviction party
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
