We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
