those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
