I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
