I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
