I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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