Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just googled if crying burns calories
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
