That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
