Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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