I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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