When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
