I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
