I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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