She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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